Battersea to Bognor

Sounds like a scene from 'Monte Carlo or Bust' and it felt bit like that last week. I broke down a few times as I struggled onward and needed to top up on fuel at my friends houses in order to keep going. Last week was difficult, non-flowing and complex and took the wind right out of my sails. It just goes to show you - you never know what is around the corner. Cut a long story short I almost gave up this botanical pursuit. Most unlike me - I never give up, but several times over the past several days I have found myself close to complete breakdown. I am tired and that doesn't help, both physically after marching across London, and mentally. Emotionally I am pretty stretched and all of these are dampening my spirit. But I mean to go on - not because of how much we have all invested or through personal pride, but because I know no other way. It has always been my belief that I was born to paint plants. To me, painting is like breathing fresh air. It's an innate need. It would be easy for me to blame my reason for giving up on the many pressures coming in from all directions, but I know the real reason is that all these pressures had no outlet at the time. I hadn't painted properly for ten days whilst being on the move and I felt it. Thankfully my brushes are now touching paper and I feel more grounded as a result. So my advice is when you are this close to giving up painting - paint.

Blackberries (Rubus ulmifolius) ripening - a work in progress

With this in mind I have started a new piece - a raceme of ripening blackberries (very disappointed that every time I type 'blackberry' auto spell changes it to 'BlackBerry' - see here as to why I am sad about this). These are definitely now in my top five of all time horrendous subjects to paint. I was so entranced when my friend Tom and I spotted some ripening blackberries in Chelsea Physic Garden that I didn't even think about the technical expertise required to paint such a thing. Nope - it did not enter my mind even briefly. Wish it had, as I then would have saved this piece for another time as it is super hard. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't a commission, but it is, so I have to do this well. I'm just thanking my lucky stars that there aren't any yellow or white flowers involved as that would top it off. So my other piece of advice is if you are thinking of giving up painting - do not pick a subject that is difficult if it is for a client. It's a lot of pressure to put on oneself. I am just ploughing on and trying not to think about it's destination too much - it is the only way.

Rubus ulmifolius fruit ripening - close up

What makes this piece tricky is the spectrum of colour (yellow, peach, grays, blues, reds, magenta's, blacks, pinks, greens and white tints) and the two textures - shiny berries with many tints to the velvety stem. The leaves are not a problem - haha - I am lucky in that they rarely are. I am starting to wish that I had mastered the medium of masking fluid, but out of stubbornness I have not, so I am having to dance around every speck of white. Fun.

Rubus ulmifolius fruit ripening - a work in progress

My palette is: W&N Transparent Yellow, Permanent Magenta, Permanent Rose, Hooker's Green and Daler & Rowney Cobalt Blue,  Phthalo Blue, Rose Madder. The usual. Not much changes there. Teeny brushes. A painting like this, where the colours change a lot and bleed into each other doesn't half make it tempting to use lots of brushes all at once, but I am being a good girl and sticking to just three brushes and not putting them in my mouth. This is good news - I think I have re-trained myself.

Close up of the bottom of the raceme of Rubus ulmifolius - work in progress

So a little update from the Inky Leaf studio in Bognor Regis. I apologise that my posts are thinner on the ground these days, but there isn't much to report on and I am really trying to focus.  

Close up on the ripe blackberry.

Close up on a ripening blackberry - work in progress

I hope that you all had an enjoyable Autumn equinox. Time to get the daylight bulbs out and bake blackberry crumbles!

Full painting view - a work in progress